Redhead Heston: Santa Let Me Down!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Santa Let Me Down!

I went to see the fat man in red yesterday at the mall with my Mom...I was so excited because I wanted to tell him what I wanted for Christmas and maybe tug his white beard a few times (I love to pull hair!). I mostly wanted to meet the big man, (A.K.A. Santa Claus, Papa Noel, Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas, Chris Kringle, Grandfather Frost, etc.) that I've heard so much about! And, of course, Mom wanted to get a picture of me on his lap for the photo album. BUT Jolly Old St. Nick was MIA...His helper elf said that he was on a break...Mom thinks a smoke break...but he wasn't going to be back until 3:00 and I had my Christmas Party at my school at 3:00, so we couldn't wait around. We will try again tomorrow with the crowds, but if I don't get to see him, I won't be happy! He can forget Christmas cookies and milk waiting for him on Christmas eve...I'll only leave a few carrots for the reindeer instead ('cause I can't make them pay for his mistakes)...do you think they'd like my pureed baby food carrots? I'd like to find a way to get rid of those nasty things anyway...I might leave a few jars out for them to see if we have any takers...

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[it's] All About Me

Name: Heston
Age: 16 1/2 months old
Astrological sign: Gemini
Hair color: I'm a redhead (It's more like orange, but that's a technicality)
Eye color: Baby Blues, Baby!
Favorite Drink: Apple Juice
Favorite Food: Cheese
Special Talent: Looking this good is a talent, baby!
Hobbies: Chewing on things and terrorizing the greyhounds. I also love to play with and break Mom's necklaces!
Enjoys: Long walks in my stroller and snuggling with my Mama...um...I mean picking up chicks, man
One word to describe me: Playa!
Favorite TV Show: Yo Gabba Gabba
Favorite Song: The 'Snacky Snack' song from Yo Gaba Gaba
Things I Love: Getting naked and cold wipes on the hiney
Things I Hate: Poop in my pants and when people take something away from me that I want to chew on...I can pitch a redheaded tantrum!
People I Admire: Hugh Hefner...that guy has multiple girlfriends!
My Best Friends: Bianca and Bella, two rambunctious Italian Greyhounds

Baby Tip of the Day: Hints, Tips, Do's, and Don'ts from a Street Savvy Redhead

03.26.09 Flailing your hands while being spoon fed can be dangerous business…it can result in a spoonful of warm cheesy grits getting shoved up your nose holes…Take it from me, it’s not an enjoyable experience.
03.14.09 Grocery shopping can be an entertaining weekend outing…there’s always fascinating things to look at and you can people watch. To make it even better, throw a tantrum until your Mom hand feeds you snacks one at a time to keep you quiet. I just whine and open my mouth like a little bird and she drops it in!
03.09.09 On nice sunny days outside, be sure to watch where you crawl when you’re playing in the grass…especially if there are dogs in your household. But even more importantly, watch what you eat …Avoid chewing on the wet grass or the stuff that looks like a mound of dirt…It may not be dirt, and I recommend doing a sniff test first…
03.06.09 If you’re in a grumpy mood and your parents try to ‘cheer you up’ by shoving a stupid toy in your face, swat at it with your hands…or rather, swat at your parents hands. What dummies…like a stuffed animal is going to make you feel better! Hitting is a clear signal for them to back off and you can get away with it right now because you’re cute!
03.04.09 Remember when I mentioned that blueberries could have interesting effects on a baby’s dirty diapers? Well guess what…Eating an entire bowl of fresh mashed carrots in 24 hours will do the same! (Only your poop will be orange, not blue). Huh …Who knew? Dad was utterly perplexed when he opened up my diaper to find what appeared to be a poop-shaped carrot in my pants…
03.03.09 Brushing your teeth is not fun business…your parents will try to cram a stick with itchy bristles in your mouth and wiggle it around on your teeth. To avoid a cleaning, clamp your mouth shut and quickly whip your head in the opposite direction of your parent’s hand, every time they try to put the brush in your mouth. They’ll get frustrated and throw in the towel eventually. I’ve been doing this for 4 months since I got my first teeth and they still haven’t fallen out!
03.02.09 There has been much speculation as to what effects blueberries will have on a baby’s dirty diapers…If you’ve stopped to ask yourself, “Will a baby’s poop turn blue after eating blueberries?” The answer to that question is yes…Yes it most certainly will…
02.27.09 If you’re like me, the messier the food the better…it makes for an interesting meal! These new blue fruit things or ‘blueberries’ as Mom calls them can be pretty entertaining…I got more last night for dinner and I really enjoyed myself. Try squeezing them with your fingers and see what happens!
02.26.09 Try blowing raspberries while eating mushed-up food…the food sprays all over your face and splatters on your food tray and clothes…maybe even on your parents too! It’s pretty fun. My parents always say, ‘No!’ when I do that, but those words mean nothing to me yet…I just smile and keep on spitting!
02.20.09 When you decide to throw a tantrum, be sure to put your WHOLE body into it. Throw back your head, arch your back, push off of your parents stomach with your knees and hands if they’re holding you, kick your feet, wrinkle up your nose, make your face turn pink, and of course, throw in a few loud squalls for good measure… Waa…Waa…Waaaa! But turn it off immediately once you get your way…they’ll learn quickly what they should and shouldn’t do just to keep you happy. “That’s right, clown, I was chewing that and would like it back, thanks…”
02.19.09 Nothing beats a good crunchy teething biscuit during snack time, but when your Mom keeps giving them to you, one after the other, to buy a few extra minutes to wash dishes, check her email, eat lunch or what have you, just feed them to the dog… Forget waiting for the pooch to jump up and steal it at the opportune moment…I just hand them directly to the pup when Mom’s not looking. After about 2 ‘missing’ biscuits in the matter of a minute, she’ll probably get the picture…
02.18.09 If you’re like me and have discovered that you can kick your legs of your own accord and get wonderfully disastrous results (i.e. knock stuff off the changing table, kick your mom in the gut where it counts, make LOUD banging noises in your crib when you wake up, etc.) the opportunities are endless…You’re guaranteed to get your parents attention when it is not 100% on you!
02.17.09 Don’t let your dogs use you as a seat cushion...One of the shivering greyhounds tried to sit on me because I had a warm fuzzy blanket on my lap. If you find yourself in a similar situation, bite at their legs…they’ll think twice about trying that again!
02.11.09 When your parents are trying to put you in your pumpkin seat and you just want to be held, stiffen your ENTIRE body so you’re rigid like a board. They won’t be able to bend you to get you in your seat and will be forced to hold you nonstop…It works for me!
02.09.09 Give this a try, babies…it’s fun! Grab your juice bottle (or your drink of choice) by the rubber nipple and swing it in a circular motion above your head like a lasso…You’ve got yourself a homemade sprinkler, because the juice sprays EVERYWHERE! It’s awesome…
02.07.09 To convey to your parents that they need to step to it and make it snappy, such as, ‘hurry up and feed me another mashed banana, woman,’ I find that kicking your legs and banging your hands on the high chair is a quick way to get your point across. Throw in a few squalls for good measure and your parents will run around in a frenzy trying to answer your demands.
02.06.09 Stealing a dog toy from your pup is good clean fun, but don’t try teething on them. They stink to high-heavens from nasty dog slobber and aren’t as tasty as they look!
02.05.09 If its bedtime and your Mama is putting you to sleep, she may pat you on the bottom for a while to calm you down. Don’t resist it…she’ll see that you respond well to it and start doing it every night before you go to sleep. Nothing puts you to bed like a nice hiney rub! My Dad gets jealous that he doesn’t get one!
02.04.09 If your dog is getting too presumptuous in thinking that she can eat your food whenever she likes (without your approval), do what I did this morning…aim and drop your juice cup one inch from it’s head. The bang as it hits the floor will send the pup squealing off and she won’t bother you for a few minutes until you’ve eaten your fill…
01.30.09 Now that I’m older and wiser, I’ve learned that when you’re out shopping with your Mom, keep a serious face as much as possible and people will come up and try to get you to smile. Then, flash them the biggest, toothiest, bright-eyeist grin you can muster up…their reaction is far better than if you were just smiling away to start with because they are proud of themselves for getting a smile out of you and will go on and on about how adorable you are. EVEN better, if you happen to be wearing a hoodie, let if fall to your shoulders at the right moment to reveal your vibrant orange head…if you’re fortunate enough to have hair like I do… that will REALLY send them into a frenzy…
01.29.09 Give your Mom something to gush over and keep her happy…utter these three letters…M-O-M. She’ll go NUTS and give you tons of affection (more than normal, that is).
01.28.09 If your family has dogs, form a tight bond with them and you will reap the rewards tenfold when it comes time to eat a less-than-desirable dinner. When your Mom’s back is turned, encourage the pup to lick your plate clean…well, maybe leaving a few stragglers behind, so as not to make it too obvious what’s going on. It’s a win-win situation, really…your dog will love you and you may not be forced to eat a plate of nasty peas! This doesn’t mean you can’t terrorize the dogs from time to time…
01.27.09 After being sick, I’ve learned that the gagging reflex can have an interesting effect on your parents…they take pity on you and do everything in their power to make you comfortable …they hold you non-stop, rock you non-stop, don’t force feed you vegetables, give you plenty of bath time, don’t make you cry it out at night, you name it! Learn how to believably fake it and you’ll have your parents wrapped around your little finger indefinitely! “Ooo…I don’t feel so well, I think I’m going to…” That’s right, puppets…dance…
01.26.09 If you’re sick and have the bloopety-bloops, you might want to tell your Dad it’s not the best idea to feed you an ENTIRE jar of prunes for lunch…Just a thought. If you don’t, you’ll be reminding him of his mistake for many days afterwards…
01.18.09 Alright baby nation, listen up. Teeth are an irreplaceable asset when learning the art of standing up. Sure you need your hands and legs, but teeth will give you the added lift you need. I would suggest looking for an elevated object, such as the seam in mom & dad’s expensive leather couch to implant your chompers. Bite down, hang with your teeth, push your legs, and you’re up!
01.17.09 If you love bath time and don’t want your Mom to rush through it, do what I do. ‘Turd in the Tub’ will have guaranteed results! Wait until your mama has finished washing you up…just as she’s reaching for the towel, do ‘the deed.’ She will be forced to drain the tub, fish ‘it’ out, rinse you and the bathtub off, and start all over. It’ll buy you at least 10 extra minutes of splash time! Applying the same principles to ‘Tinkle in the Tub’ can be just as effective…Enjoy!
01.16.09 As the weekend rapidly approaches, a word of caution, babies: What happens at Grandma’s DOES NOT always stay at Grandma’s…photos and videos can get leaked to the internet and resurface at any time. They can haunt you for the rest of your lives!!!
01.15.09 Not the center of attention at a particular moment and want to be? Negative attention or not, I’ve inadvertently found that ripping a few is always a guaranteed crowd pleaser...
01.14.09 If you’re throwing a tantrum and you want to get your way, do not yield. Persistence is the key. Wear. Them. Down. Your parents will fold eventually out of shear exhaustion…
01.13.09 Personal hygiene is of utmost importance when trying to look adorable. Keep your nose clean. A crusty nose never got anyone anywhere…
01.12.09 If you have a big head in proportion to your body (think bobble-head) and you’re worried about it affecting your cuteness, don’t despair…many babies do and you’ll probably grow into it. Case in point, former child star Neil Patrick Harris, aka. Doogie Howser, turned out pretty nice looking, as Mom pointed out while watching the Golden Globes last night…
01.11.09 If you have a baby photoshoot coming up, be sure to eat a lot of carbs the night before for an energy boost. Working the cute factor can be exhausting...even if it comes naturally.
01.10.09 If you have a mouthful of teeth and your mama is still nursing you, you have a good thing going. As I always say, 'don't bite the boob that feeds you.'
01.09.09 If you're hungry and ready for a snack, don't try nursing on your Dad. It will only lead to a lot of confusion and an awkward moment between the both of you.
01.08.09 If you're crawling along and you come across something that smells like nasty dog vomit, chances are it's not a pile of candy. Take steps to avoid tasting it...you won't enjoy the aftertaste!

My Seemingly Endless List of Nicknames:

'WiggleMunch' - Originated from Joey on 'Friends'; As in, "I want to be Mr. Wigglesmunch!"
'Tootsie' - The name speaks for itself! A variation of that is 'little toot,' although there's nothing little about them!
'Sweet Pea' - Generic endearing nickname
'Sweet Patootie' - Generic endearing nickname
'Sweet Cheeks' - Cuz I'm sweet and I have cute chubby cheeks!
'Squeezy Cheeks' - Both pairs of cheeks are abundant and squeezable!
'Squeaky Cheeks' - [See Tootsie]
'Sea Squirt' - My sea legs name when I'm at the beach!
'Pumpkin Head' - I have orange hair so my head looks like a pumpkin!
'Poopsie' - Mom interchanges this with Tootsie...It's become more of a standard nickname thanks to my new diet of whole foods and consequently my stinky poopy diapers
'Piggypoo' - I like to eat, what can I say? Other variations of this are Pigglywiggly & Mommy's little Piggy
'Nerdnick' - My Nana called my mommy this, so now Mommy uses it on me!
'My Boy Blue' - Dad calls me this because of my big blue eyes...He also uses the saying, "You're my boy, Blue!" (Quoted from Will Ferrell from Old School).
'Munchee/Munchkin' - Dad likes to use this one occasionally...
'Monkey Toes' - I was born with opposable thumbs for big toes...I can scale trees with them!
'Hes'- The abbreviated form of Heston; Kinda like 'Hef,' as in the original ladies man himself and my role model...
'Chub-a-lub' - Dad's nickname for me because I'm 'big boned'
'Bubsies' - Mom's fallback nickname when I'm crabby or crying; also frequently accompanied with chubsie, such as 'chubsie bubsie.'
'Boob-a-choo' - Another one of Dad's strange ones...No idea about this one!
'Big Red' - Here's a humdinger...I'm a big boy with red hair!
'Baby Bunsies' - Dad's name for me for obvious reasons. Mom's heard him say 'Bunsie Boy' too, but he denies it. Why the constant reference to my Posterior? Seriously...enough already...
'[insert name here] McGee' - Such as 'tootie-McGee' or 'Stinky McGee'...Mom and I have no idea where this originated from...but it's a favorite of Dads!

My Many Firsts!

Smile - Week 4 it's official...I give mom a bunch of smiles in a row and she calls Dad to announce that I'm a baby genius! (Although technically Mom swears I smiled at week 3, but waited to declare it a week later when there was no question). Everyone kept telling my mom it was probably 'gas smiles,' but it was the real deal!

Focusing & Following - Week 4; Mom noticed a major change in attitude and that I was much more content/happy when I could focus on things and people

Cooing/'Talking' - Week 6

Sucking on My Fists - The first Hour I was born! I forgot about it and reintroduced the fist sucking at week 7 or 8.

Kicking and a Noticeable Change in Activity - Week 9/10

Squealing - Week 11

Giggle- Week 11

Thumb Sucking/Finger Sucking - Week 11

Laugh - Week 14

Deliberate Spit Bubbles- Around Week 15/16

First Teeth - 4 months to the day that they started coming in!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Santa Let Me Down!

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Heston's Getting Big!

Candid Moment

Me and My family

[it's] All About Me

Baby Tip of the Day: Hints, Tips, Do's, and Don'ts from a Street Savvy Redhead

My Seemingly Endless List of Nicknames:

My Many Firsts!

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About Me