You're taking a picture? I better make this look spontaneous...
Me and My family
**Photos Above by Lori Gordon with Shooting Star Photography**
[it's] All About Me
Name: Heston Age: 16 1/2 months old Astrological sign: Gemini Hair color: I'm a redhead (It's more like orange, but that's a technicality) Eye color: Baby Blues, Baby! Favorite Drink: Apple Juice Favorite Food: Cheese Special Talent: Looking this good is a talent, baby! Hobbies: Chewing on things and terrorizing the greyhounds. I also love to play with and break Mom's necklaces! Enjoys: Long walks in my stroller and snuggling with my Mama...um...I mean picking up chicks, man One word to describe me: Playa! Favorite TV Show: Yo Gabba Gabba Favorite Song: The 'Snacky Snack' song from Yo Gaba Gaba Things I Love: Getting naked and cold wipes on the hiney Things I Hate: Poop in my pants and when people take something away from me that I want to chew on...I can pitch a redheaded tantrum! People I Admire: Hugh Hefner...that guy has multiple girlfriends! My Best Friends: Bianca and Bella, two rambunctious Italian Greyhounds
Baby Tip of the Day: Hints, Tips, Do's, and Don'ts from a Street Savvy Redhead
03.26.09 Flailing your hands while being spoon fed can be dangerous business…it can result in a spoonful of warm cheesy grits getting shoved up your nose holes…Take it from me, it’s not an enjoyable experience.
03.14.09 Grocery shopping can be an entertaining weekend outing…there’s
always fascinating things to look at and you can people watch. To make
it even better, throw a tantrum until your Mom hand feeds you snacks
one at a time to keep you quiet. I just whine and open my mouth like a
little bird and she drops it in!
03.09.09 On nice sunny days outside, be sure to watch where you crawl
when you’re playing in the grass…especially if there are dogs in your
household. But even more importantly, watch what you eat …Avoid chewing
on the wet grass or the stuff that looks like a mound of dirt…It may
not be dirt, and I recommend doing a sniff test first…
03.06.09 If you’re in a grumpy mood and your parents try to ‘cheer you
up’ by shoving a stupid toy in your face, swat at it with your hands…or
rather, swat at your parents hands. What dummies…like a stuffed animal
is going to make you feel better! Hitting is a clear signal for them to
back off and you can get away with it right now because you’re cute!
03.04.09 Remember when I mentioned that blueberries could have
interesting effects on a baby’s dirty diapers? Well guess what…Eating
an entire bowl of fresh mashed carrots in 24 hours will do the same!
(Only your poop will be orange, not blue). Huh …Who knew? Dad was
utterly perplexed when he opened up my diaper to find what appeared to
be a poop-shaped carrot in my pants…
03.03.09 Brushing your teeth is not fun business…your parents will try
to cram a stick with itchy bristles in your mouth and wiggle it around
on your teeth. To avoid a cleaning, clamp your mouth shut and quickly
whip your head in the opposite direction of your parent’s hand, every
time they try to put the brush in your mouth. They’ll get frustrated
and throw in the towel eventually. I’ve been doing this for 4 months
since I got my first teeth and they still haven’t fallen out!
03.02.09 There has been much speculation as to what effects blueberries
will have on a baby’s dirty diapers…If you’ve stopped to ask yourself,
“Will a baby’s poop turn blue after eating blueberries?” The answer to
that question is yes…Yes it most certainly will…
02.27.09 If you’re like me, the messier the food the better…it makes
for an interesting meal! These new blue fruit things or ‘blueberries’
as Mom calls them can be pretty entertaining…I got more last night for
dinner and I really enjoyed myself. Try squeezing them with your
fingers and see what happens!
02.26.09 Try blowing raspberries while eating mushed-up food…the food
sprays all over your face and splatters on your food tray and
clothes…maybe even on your parents too! It’s pretty fun. My parents
always say, ‘No!’ when I do that, but those words mean nothing to me
yet…I just smile and keep on spitting!
02.20.09 When you decide to throw a tantrum, be sure to put your WHOLE
body into it. Throw back your head, arch your back, push off of your
parents stomach with your knees and hands if they’re holding you, kick
your feet, wrinkle up your nose, make your face turn pink, and of
course, throw in a few loud squalls for good measure… Waa…Waa…Waaaa!
But turn it off immediately once you get your way…they’ll learn quickly
what they should and shouldn’t do just to keep you happy. “That’s
right, clown, I was chewing that and would like it back, thanks…”
02.19.09 Nothing beats a good crunchy teething biscuit during snack
time, but when your Mom keeps giving them to you, one after the other,
to buy a few extra minutes to wash dishes, check her email, eat lunch
or what have you, just feed them to the dog… Forget waiting for the
pooch to jump up and steal it at the opportune moment…I just hand them
directly to the pup when Mom’s not looking. After about 2 ‘missing’
biscuits in the matter of a minute, she’ll probably get the picture…
02.18.09 If you’re like me and have discovered that you can kick your
legs of your own accord and get wonderfully disastrous results (i.e.
knock stuff off the changing table, kick your mom in the gut where it
counts, make LOUD banging noises in your crib when you wake up, etc.)
the opportunities are endless…You’re guaranteed to get your parents
attention when it is not 100% on you!
02.17.09 Don’t let your dogs use you as a seat cushion...One of the
shivering greyhounds tried to sit on me because I had a warm fuzzy
blanket on my lap. If you find yourself in a similar situation, bite at
their legs…they’ll think twice about trying that again!
02.11.09 When your parents are trying to put you in your pumpkin seat
and you just want to be held, stiffen your ENTIRE body so you’re rigid
like a board. They won’t be able to bend you to get you in your seat
and will be forced to hold you nonstop…It works for me!
02.09.09 Give this a try, babies…it’s fun! Grab your juice bottle (or
your drink of choice) by the rubber nipple and swing it in a circular
motion above your head like a lasso…You’ve got yourself a homemade
sprinkler, because the juice sprays EVERYWHERE! It’s awesome…
02.07.09 To convey to your parents that they need to step to it and
make it snappy, such as, ‘hurry up and feed me another mashed banana,
woman,’ I find that kicking your legs and banging your hands on the
high chair is a quick way to get your point across. Throw in a few
squalls for good measure and your parents will run around in a frenzy
trying to answer your demands.
02.06.09 Stealing a dog toy from your pup is good clean fun, but don’t
try teething on them. They stink to high-heavens from nasty dog slobber
and aren’t as tasty as they look!
02.05.09 If its bedtime and your Mama is putting you to sleep, she may
pat you on the bottom for a while to calm you down. Don’t resist
it…she’ll see that you respond well to it and start doing it every
night before you go to sleep. Nothing puts you to bed like a nice hiney
rub! My Dad gets jealous that he doesn’t get one!
02.04.09 If your dog is getting too presumptuous in thinking that she
can eat your food whenever she likes (without your approval), do what I
did this morning…aim and drop your juice cup one inch from it’s head.
The bang as it hits the floor will send the pup squealing off and she
won’t bother you for a few minutes until you’ve eaten your fill…
01.30.09 Now that I’m older and wiser, I’ve learned that when you’re
out shopping with your Mom, keep a serious face as much as possible and
people will come up and try to get you to smile. Then, flash them the
biggest, toothiest, bright-eyeist grin you can muster up…their reaction
is far better than if you were just smiling away to start with because
they are proud of themselves for getting a smile out of you and will go
on and on about how adorable you are. EVEN better, if you happen to be
wearing a hoodie, let if fall to your shoulders at the right moment to
reveal your vibrant orange head…if you’re fortunate enough to have hair
like I do… that will REALLY send them into a frenzy…
01.29.09 Give your Mom something to gush over and keep her happy…utter
these three letters…M-O-M. She’ll go NUTS and give you tons of
affection (more than normal, that is).
01.28.09 If your family has dogs, form a tight bond with them and you
will reap the rewards tenfold when it comes time to eat a
less-than-desirable dinner. When your Mom’s back is turned, encourage
the pup to lick your plate clean…well, maybe leaving a few stragglers
behind, so as not to make it too obvious what’s going on. It’s a
win-win situation, really…your dog will love you and you may not be
forced to eat a plate of nasty peas! This doesn’t mean you can’t
terrorize the dogs from time to time…
01.27.09 After being sick, I’ve learned that the gagging reflex can
have an interesting effect on your parents…they take pity on you and do
everything in their power to make you comfortable …they hold you
non-stop, rock you non-stop, don’t force feed you vegetables, give you
plenty of bath time, don’t make you cry it out at night, you name it!
Learn how to believably fake it and you’ll have your parents wrapped
around your little finger indefinitely! “Ooo…I don’t feel so well, I
think I’m going to…” That’s right, puppets…dance…
01.26.09 If you’re sick and have the bloopety-bloops, you might want to
tell your Dad it’s not the best idea to feed you an ENTIRE jar of
prunes for lunch…Just a thought. If you don’t, you’ll be reminding him
of his mistake for many days afterwards…
01.18.09 Alright baby nation, listen up. Teeth are an irreplaceable
asset when learning the art of standing up. Sure you need your hands
and legs, but teeth will give you the added lift you need. I would
suggest looking for an elevated object, such as the seam in mom &
dad’s expensive leather couch to implant your chompers. Bite down, hang
with your teeth, push your legs, and you’re up!
01.17.09 If you love bath time and don’t want your Mom to rush through
it, do what I do. ‘Turd in the Tub’ will have guaranteed results! Wait
until your mama has finished washing you up…just as she’s reaching for
the towel, do ‘the deed.’ She will be forced to drain the tub, fish
‘it’ out, rinse you and the bathtub off, and start all over. It’ll buy
you at least 10 extra minutes of splash time! Applying the same
principles to ‘Tinkle in the Tub’ can be just as effective…Enjoy!
01.16.09 As the weekend rapidly approaches, a word of caution, babies:
What happens at Grandma’s DOES NOT always stay at Grandma’s…photos and
videos can get leaked to the internet and resurface at any time. They
can haunt you for the rest of your lives!!!
01.15.09 Not the center of attention at a particular moment and want to
be? Negative attention or not, I’ve inadvertently found that ripping a
few is always a guaranteed crowd pleaser...
01.14.09 If you’re throwing a tantrum and you want to get your way, do
not yield. Persistence is the key. Wear. Them. Down. Your parents will
fold eventually out of shear exhaustion…
01.13.09 Personal hygiene is of utmost importance when trying to look
adorable. Keep your nose clean. A crusty nose never got anyone anywhere…
01.12.09 If you have a big head in proportion to your body (think
bobble-head) and you’re worried about it affecting your cuteness, don’t
despair…many babies do and you’ll probably grow into it. Case in point,
former child star Neil Patrick Harris, aka. Doogie Howser, turned out
pretty nice looking, as Mom pointed out while watching the Golden
Globes last night…
01.11.09 If you have a baby photoshoot coming up, be sure to eat a lot
of carbs the night before for an energy boost. Working the cute factor
can be exhausting...even if it comes naturally.
01.10.09 If you have a mouthful of teeth and your mama is still nursing
you, you have a good thing going. As I always say, 'don't bite the boob
that feeds you.'
01.09.09 If you're hungry and ready for a snack, don't try nursing on
your Dad. It will only lead to a lot of confusion and an awkward moment
between the both of you.
01.08.09 If you're crawling along and you come across something that
smells like nasty dog vomit, chances are it's not a pile of candy. Take
steps to avoid tasting it...you won't enjoy the aftertaste!
My Seemingly Endless List of Nicknames:
'WiggleMunch' - Originated from Joey on 'Friends'; As in, "I want to be Mr. Wigglesmunch!"
'Tootsie' - The name speaks for itself! A variation of that is 'little toot,' although there's nothing little about them!
'Sweet Pea' - Generic endearing nickname
'Sweet Patootie' - Generic endearing nickname
'Sweet Cheeks' - Cuz I'm sweet and I have cute chubby cheeks!
'Squeezy Cheeks' - Both pairs of cheeks are abundant and squeezable!
'Squeaky Cheeks' - [See Tootsie]
'Sea Squirt' - My sea legs name when I'm at the beach!
'Pumpkin Head' - I have orange hair so my head looks like a pumpkin!
'Poopsie' - Mom interchanges this with Tootsie...It's become more of a standard nickname thanks to my new diet of whole foods and consequently my stinky poopy diapers
'Piggypoo' - I like to eat, what can I say? Other variations of this are Pigglywiggly & Mommy's little Piggy
'Nerdnick' - My Nana called my mommy this, so now Mommy uses it on me!
'My Boy Blue' - Dad calls me this because of my big blue eyes...He also uses the saying, "You're my boy, Blue!" (Quoted from Will Ferrell from Old School).
'Munchee/Munchkin' - Dad likes to use this one occasionally...
'Monkey Toes' - I was born with opposable thumbs for big toes...I can scale trees with them!
'Hes'- The abbreviated form of Heston; Kinda like 'Hef,' as in the original ladies man himself and my role model...
'Chub-a-lub' - Dad's nickname for me because I'm 'big boned'
'Bubsies' - Mom's fallback nickname when I'm crabby or crying; also frequently accompanied with chubsie, such as 'chubsie bubsie.'
'Boob-a-choo' - Another one of Dad's strange ones...No idea about this one!
'Big Red' - Here's a humdinger...I'm a big boy with red hair!
'Baby Bunsies' - Dad's name for me for obvious reasons. Mom's heard him say 'Bunsie Boy' too, but he denies it. Why the constant reference to my Posterior? Seriously...enough already...
'[insert name here] McGee' - Such as 'tootie-McGee' or 'Stinky McGee'...Mom and I have no idea where this originated from...but it's a favorite of Dads!
My Many Firsts!
Smile - Week 4 it's official...I give mom a bunch of smiles in a row and she calls Dad to announce that I'm a baby genius! (Although technically Mom swears I smiled at week 3, but waited to declare it a week later when there was no question). Everyone kept telling my mom it was probably 'gas smiles,' but it was the real deal!
Focusing & Following - Week 4; Mom noticed a major change in attitude and that I was much more content/happy when I could focus on things and people
Cooing/'Talking' - Week 6
Sucking on My Fists - The first Hour I was born! I forgot about it and reintroduced the fist sucking at week 7 or 8.
Kicking and a Noticeable Change in Activity - Week 9/10
Squealing - Week 11
Giggle- Week 11
Thumb Sucking/Finger Sucking - Week 11
Laugh - Week 14
Deliberate Spit Bubbles- Around Week 15/16
First Teeth - 4 months to the day that they started coming in!
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